Welcome to the Celebrities jokes section of Joke Abyss!
| What do Viagra And DisneyLand have in common? |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 5 0
What do Viagra And DisneyLand have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour
waiting for a two minute ride!!
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| Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men? |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 2 1
Why did Michael Jackson place a phone call to Boyz-2-Men??
He thought it was a delivery service.
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| A jazz chord |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 1 0
Stevie Wonder is playing his first gig in Tokyo and the place is absolutely
packed to the rafters. In a bid to break the ice with his new audience he
asks if anyone would like him to play a request. A little old Japanese man
jumps out of his seat in the first row and shouts at the top of his voice
"Play a Jazz chord! Play a jazz chord!"
Amazed that this guy knows about the jazz influences in Stevie's varied
career, the blind impresario starts to play an E minor scale and then goes
into a difficult jazz melody for about 10 minutes. When he finishes the
whole place goes wild. The little old man jumps up again and shouts
"No, no, play a Jazz chord, play a Jazz chord".
A bit nonplussed by this, Stevie, being the professional that he is, dives
straight into a jazz improvisation with his band around the B flat minor
chord and really tears the place apart. The crowd goes wild with this
impromptu show of his technical expertise.
The little old man jumps up again. "No, no. Play a Jazz chord, play a
Jazz chord".
Well and truly brassed off that this little guy doesn't seem to appreciate
his playing ability, Stevie says to him from the stage "OK smartie pants!
You get up here and do it!"
The little old man climbs up onto the stage, takes hold of the mike, and
starts to sing.....
"A jazz chord to say I ruv you................."
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| Tom Jones Syndrome |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 1 0
"Doc I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
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| Do the math |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 0 0
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class.
She called on him and said, "Johnny! what are 4, 2, 28 and 44?"
Little Johnny quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!"
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| What is blonde, has six legs, and roams... |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 0 0
Q: What is blonde, has six legs, and roams Michael Jackson's
dreams every night??
A: Hansons.
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| Michael Jackson and the doctor... |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 0 0
Michael Jackson and the doctor are walking out
of the delivery room after his wife gives birth
to their son. Michael says, "How long before we
can have sex?"
The doctor says, "At least wait until he's walking."
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| Just before takeoff one day, a flight attendant... |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 0 0
Just before takeoff one day, a flight attendant approached Muhammad Ali
and asked that he fasten his seat belt. "Superman don't need no seat
belt," Ali growled. "Well, Superman," the stewardess replied, "don't need
no airplane!"
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| Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new car? |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 0 0
Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new car?
Neither has he.
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| IMPORTANT NEWS TO ALL GUYS THAT GO OUT TO CLUBS OR BARS |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 0 0
IMPORTANT NEWS TO ALL GUYS THAT GO OUT TO CLUBS OR BARS
Men, be more alert and cautious when getting a drink offer from girl.
Good girls out there, please forward this message to your guy friends.
Girlfriends, take heed!!
There is a new drug that is in liquid form. The drug is now being used by
female sexual predators at parties to induce their male victims to have
sex with them. The shocking news is that the drug is available virtually
anywhere!
It goes by the street name "Beer".
All girls have to do is buy a "Beer" or two for almost any guy and then
simply ask the guy home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered
literally helpless against such tactics.
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| A definition of God |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 0 0
A little boy was learning about God in his church, and he was talking to
his mother about it. She, not wanting to place prejudice in the little
boy's mind, sat him and said: "God is not a man or a woman, and God is not
black or white."
To which the child responded, "Well, then is God Michael Jackson?"
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| Arnold Swartzeneger and Sylvester Stallone are making... |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 0 0
Arnold Swartzeneger and Sylvester Stallone are making a
movie about the lives of the great composers.
Stallone says "I want to be Mozart."
Swartzeneger says: "In that case... I'll be Bach."
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| Good news and bad news |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 0 0
The McCartney kids are at the family ranch anxiously
awaiting news of their mother.
Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom.
"Kid's......there's good news and bad news."
"The bad news is your mother's strength and will to
live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she
died a few moments ago"
"The good news is.... It's steak and chips for dinner!"
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| Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned... |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 0 0
Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned
to an attendant standing nearby.
"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those
hideous representations you call modern art?"
"No, madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."
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| What's stiff and excites women? |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 0 0
Q: What's stiff and excites women?
A: Elvis Presley.
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| Three wishes |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 0 0
It was a nice sunny day when three men were walking down a country road,
when they saw a bush with a pig's ass popping out.
The first man says, "I wish that was Demi Moore's Ass"
The second man says, "I wish that was Pamela Anderson's Ass."
Then the third man says, "I wish it was dark."
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| What trivial fact about Mel Blanc... |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 0 0
What trivial fact about Mel Blanc (voice of Bugs Bunny) is the most
ironic?
He was allergic to carrots.
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| What do you call a man with a blackhead on his dick? |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 0 0
What do you call a man with a blackhead on his dick?
Hugh Grant.
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| What's the difference between Courtney Love and Wayne Gretzky? |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 0 0
What's the difference between Courtney Love and Wayne Gretzky?
Wayne takes a shower after 3 periods.
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| What do you call Batman and Robbin run over? |
Category: CelebritiesRating: 0 0
What do you call Batman and Robbin run over?
Flatman and Ribbon.
Sent by Matias
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