Welcome to the Medicine jokes section of Joke Abyss!
| At a dentist's |
Category: MedicineRating: 2 1
Dentist: "Would you help me out? I'd like you to
give a few of your loudest screams."
Patient: "Why, Doc? It isn't all that bad this time."
Dentist: "Well, there are about 20 people in the
waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss
the five o'clock Braves game on Channel 4."
|
| This woman goes into a dentist's office... |
Category: MedicineRating: 1 1
This woman goes into a dentist's office, after he is through examining her
he says: "I am sorry to tell you this, but I am going to have to drill a
tooth." The woman then says with anticipated agony, "Ooooohhhh, I'd rather
have a baby!" To which the dentist replies: "Well make up your mind. I
have to adjust the chair."
|
| Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said... |
Category: MedicineRating: 1 0
Mrs. Ogden went to her doctor and said "Please give me a
prescription for the Pill."
"I don't think you need the Pill at your age."
"It relaxes me."
"But you know the 'purpose' of the Pill. It's not for
relaxing," exclaimed the physician.
"I know," said Mrs Ogden, "but my daughter dates, and every
morning I drop one in her orange juice. Believe me, I feel
more relaxed.
|
| It is worth trying |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
A very well-built young lady was lying on her psychiatrist's
couch, telling him how frustrated she was. "I tried to be an
actress and failed," she complained. "I tried to be a secretary
and failed; I tried being a writer and failed; then I tried being a
sales clerk and I failed at that, too."
The shrink thought for a moment and said... "Everyone needs
to live a full, satisfying life. Why don't you try nursing?"
The girl thinks about this, then bares one of her large, beautiful
breasts, points it at the shrink, and says... "Well go ahead, I'll
give it a try!"
|
| Will it hurt doctor? |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
Patient: (to cosmetic-surgeon) 'Will it hurt, doctor?
Surgeon: 'Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown'.
|
| A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant... |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
A woman goes to her doctor who verifies that she is pregnant. This is her
first pregnancy. The doctor asks her if she has any questions. She
replies, "Well, I'm a little worried about the pain. How much will
childbirth hurt?"
The doctor answered, "Well, that varies from woman to woman and pregnancy
to pregnancy and besides, it's difficult to describe pain."
"I know, but can't you give me some idea?," she asks.
"Grab your upper lip and pull it out a little..."
"Like this?"
"A little more..."
"Like this?"
"No. A little more..."
"Like this?"
"Yes. Does that hurt?"
"A little bit."
"Now stretch it over your head!"
|
| Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done... |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about her
constipation. "It's terrible," she said, "I haven't moved my bowels in a
week."
"I see. Have you done anything about it?" asked the doctor.
"Naturally," she replied, "I sit in the bathroom for a half-hour in the
morning and again at night."
"No," the doctor said, "I mean do you take anything?"
"Naturally," she answered, "I take a book."
|
| One doc operated on a person for a hernia... |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
One doc operated on a person for a hernia. He opened his testis and took
the balls out and kept it on the table. At the end of the operation he
wanted to put his balls back into the pouch of testis. He searched
operation theatre but could not find the balls of the patient. Lastly he
told nurse to get two small onions from his lunch box as he cannot keep
his testis pouch empty.
After that operation he met the same patient in a garden for morning walk.
Being a good doc, he asked his patient how he is feeling now.
He said "Doc everything is fine, life is very cool except that whenever I
scratch my balls, my eyes start watering."
|
| HEGS |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
The Doctor tells his patient that he has H-E-G-S
"What's that?", the patient asks.
"It's a combination of Herpes, Encephalitis, Gonorrhea and Syphyllis."
The patient wants to know if there's a cure, to which the Doctor responds,
"We have to keep you in a hospital room and feed you nothing but
pancackes."
"Why only pancackes?", asks the patient.
The Doctor answers, "They're the only thing that will fit under the door."
|
| A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist... |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
A beautiful, voluptuous woman goes to a gynecologist. The doctor takes
one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the
window.
Right away he tells her to undress. After she has disrobed he begins
to stroke her thigh.
As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?"
"Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatolegical
abnormalities."
"That's right," says the doctor. He then begins to fondle her breasts.
"Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks.
"Yes," says the woman, "you're checking for any lumps of breast
cancer."
"That's right," replies the doctor. He then begins to have sexual
intercourse with the woman. He says to her, "Do you know what I'm
doing now?"
"Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes."
|
| Freudian Slip |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
Woman walks into her psychiatrists office and says:
"Hey doc, you know how we have been talking about freudian
slips? Well, I had the most amazing one last night.
I was eating dinner with my mother, and I meant to say,
"please pass the salt," but instead I said,
"You god damn bitch, you ruined my life."
|
| The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him... |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
The doctor looked at the woman who had come to him for an examination.
"Mrs. Brown, I have some good news for you."
The woman said, "I'm glad to hear that doctor, but I'm Miss Brown, not
Mrs."
"Oh. Well, in that case Miss Brown," said the doctor without changing
expression, "I have some bad news for you."
|
| Two doctors found themselves on the beach in Hawaii... |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
Two doctors found themselves on the beach in Hawaii.
As a real bevy of bikini-clad females walked by, one said,
"Look at the legs among that group."
"Sorry old chap." replied the second doctor. "But I'm a
chest man myself."
|
| A woman is laying on a gurney out in the hall... |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
A woman is laying on a gurney out in the hall prior to going to surgery.
As she lays there, a man in white coat comes by, lifts up the sheet, and
then leaves. This happens a second time. The third time this happens, she
says "Doctor, am I going into surgery soon?"
The man replied, "Don't ask me lady. I'm just a painter!"
|
| A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only... |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only gladwrap for shorts.
The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."
|
| A man is in a hospital bed completly wrapped up... |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
A man is in a hospital bed completly wrapped up in a body cast.
One of the nurses gave him a rectal thermometer and said,
"Don't move -- I'll be right back."
When she returned the thermometer was in his mouth. She asked in
amazement, "How did you get that in your mouth, you can't even move?"
"I hiccupped."
|
| Most dentists chairs go up and down... |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
Most dentists chairs go up and down, don't they?
The one I was in went back and forwards.
I thought, "This is unusual."
The dentist said to me, "Mr. Owens, get out of the filing cabinet."
|
| Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade? |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
Did you hear about the nurse who swallowed a razor blade?
She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy,
a hysterectomy, and circumcised three of the doctors on her shift.
|
| Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids? |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids?
A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.
|
| A stuttering problem |
Category: MedicineRating: 0 0
A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe
stuttering problem.
After a thorough examination, the doctor consults
with the patient.
Doctor: 'It appears that the reason for your
stuttering is that your penis is about six inches
too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal
cords, and thereby causing you this annoying
problem of stuttering.
Patient: Ddddd octttor . Whhaaat cccan I
dddo? (Doctor what can I do?)
The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a
minute and states that there is a procedure where
we can free up the strain on the vocal cords by
removing the six inches from the penis and freeing
him from this horrible problem.
The patient stuttering badly states that this
problem has caused him so much embarrassment as
well as loss of employment that anything would be
worth it.
The doctor plans for the procedure. The operation
is a success and six months later the patient
comes in for his check up.
Patient: Doctor, the operation was a success. I
have not stuttered since the operation. I have a
great job and my self esteem is fantastic.
However, there is one problem, my wife says that
she sort of misses the great sex we used to have
before the extra six inches were removed. So I
was wondering if it is possible to reattach those
six inches.
The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a
minute and says:
I dddoonnn?t ttthhhinkkkk thatttt wooould
bbbbee possssssibbble.
|
Pages:
|
|
