Welcome to the Politicals jokes section of Joke Abyss!
| What Is Politics? |
Category: PoliticalsRating: 1 0
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What's politics?" Dad says, " Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her he Working Class. Now your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense." So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him, he finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to is parent's room and finds his mother fast asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to to his father " I think I understand Politics now." The father replies, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think it is." The boy promptly answers, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is asleep, the People are being ignored, and the Future is in deep trouble."
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| Proud terrorists fathers |
Category: PoliticalsRating: 0 0
Two terrorists are chatting. One of them opens his wallet and flips through pictures.
"you see, this is my oldest. He's a martyr. Here's my second son. He's a martyr, too."
The second terrorist says, gently,
"Ah, they blow up so fast, don't they?"
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| Bush Leadership Test |
Category: PoliticalsRating: 0 0
While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.
Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent.
"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"
Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"
Bush nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"
Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Dick Lugar to the White House and says, "Senator Lugar, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."
"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"
Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Lugar hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"
Bush agrees, and Lugar leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Lugar calls Rice at the State Department and explains his problem.
"Now lookee here, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"
Rice answers immediately, "It's me, of course."
Much relieved, Lugar rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Condoleezza Rice!"
And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb shit, it's Tony Blair!"
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| Tony Blair |
Category: PoliticalsRating: 0 0
Whats the difference between Tony Blair
and a tampon?
Nothing there both stuck up cunts!!!
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| Osama Letter |
Category: PoliticalsRating: 0 0
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George
Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line
of Coded message:
370H-SSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice .
Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6 and Mossad.
Eventually they asked Australian Intelligence (ASIO) for help.
Within a minute, ASIO emailed the White House with
this reply:
"Tell the President he's holding the message upside
down."
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| star wars |
Category: PoliticalsRating: 0 0
why did they inventglow in the dark condoms?
so gay people can play star wars.
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| Presidential Summit |
Category: PoliticalsRating: 0 0
There was a presidential summit and the presidents of the world were asked to propose topics to discuss about.
The president of the United States said, "I think we'd see about how to stop wars." Everybody applauded.
The president of Somalia said, "I think we'd see about how to stop hunger." Everybody applauded.
The president of Costa Rica stood up and said, "I think..." Everybody applauded.
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| Democrats Vs. Republicans |
Category: PoliticalsRating: 0 0
Here are a few important observations, before the election campaign heats-up:
Republican boys always expect to grow up and marry Republican girls and please their parents. But they always date Democratic girls because they think they're entitled to a little fun first.
Democrats step on bugs.
Republicans call an exterminator.
Democrats eat the big fish they catch.
Republicans have them mounted.
Democrats sit on the dock and fish,
Republicans expect to have someone else drive the boat.
Democrats make a lot of plans, but
don't do much with them.
Republicans are still following the
plans their grandfathers made.
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| Political Trial |
Category: PoliticalsRating: 0 0
At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness. "Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window, as though he hadn't hear the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated loudly.
The witness still did not respond.
Finally, the judge leaned over and said, "Sir, please answer the question."
"Oh," the startled witness said, "I thought he was talking to you."
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| John Kerry Fan |
Category: PoliticalsRating: 0 0
A teacher in a small Vermont town asks her class how many of them are John Kerry fans.
Not really knowing what a John Kerry fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy.
The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different.
Johnny says, "I'm not a John Kerry fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a John Kerry fan?"
Johnny says, "I'm a George Bush fan."
The teacher asks why he's a George Bush fan.
The boy says, "Well, my mom's a George Bush fan and my dad's a George Bush fan, so I'm a George Bush fan!"
The teacher is kind of angry, because this IS Vermont, so she asks, "What if your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
Johnny says, "That would make me a John Kerry fan."
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| Dead Politicians |
Category: PoliticalsRating: 0 0
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road when the bus suddenly ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's field.
The old farmer heard the tragic crash so he rushed over to investigate. He then began digging a large grave to bury the politicians.
A few hours later, the local sheriff was driving past the farmer's field and noticed the bus wreck. He approached the old farmer and asked where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer explained that he'd gone ahead and buried all of them. "Were they ALL dead?" asked the puzzled sheriff. "Well, some of them said they weren't," said the old farmer, "but you know how them politicians lie."
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| Clocks In Heaven |
Category: PoliticalsRating: 0 0
A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
"Oh," said the man, "whose clock is that?"
"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie."
"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
"Where's Bush's clock?" asked the man.
"Bush's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling fan."
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