Welcome to the Politics jokes section of Joke Abyss!
| Why is the government like a prostitute? |
Category: PoliticsRating: 3 0
Why is the government like a prostitute?
Your always getting screwed and you have to pay for it!
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| Bush fans v. Kerry fans |
Category: PoliticsRating: 1 0
There's a teacher in a small Texas town. She asks her class how many of
them are Bush fans. Not really knowing what a Bush fan is, but wanting to
be liked by the teacher, all the kids raise their hands except one boy -
Johnny.
The teacher asks Johnny why he has decided to be different. Johnny says,
"I'm not a Bush fan."
The teacher says, "Why aren't you a Bush fan?"
Johnny says, "I'm a John F. Kerry fan." The teacher asks why he's a Kerry
fan. The boy says, "Well, my mom's a Kerry fan, and my Dad's a Kerry fan,
so I'm a Kerry fan!"
The teacher is kind of angry, because this is Texas, so she says, "What if
you're Mom was a moron, and you're dad was an idiot, what would that make you?"
Johnny says, "That would make me a Bush fan."
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| How many Los Angeles police officers does it take to beat up,,, |
Category: PoliticsRating: 1 0
How many Los Angeles police officers does it
take to beat up a black motorist?
None. He fell down the stairs.
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| A letter to John Hinkley |
Category: PoliticsRating: 1 0
Mr. John Hinkley St. Elizabeth Hospital Washington D.C.
Dear John,
Hillary and I just wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased
we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery.
In our country's new spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you
to know there is a bilateral consensus of compassion and forgiveness.
Therefore, we want you to know that no grudge is borne against you for
shooting President Reagan. We are well aware of how mental stress and pain
could have driven you to such an act of desperation.
Hillary and I are confident you will soon make a complete recovery, and
return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive
citizen.
Best wishes,
Bill Clinton President United States of America
P.S. Just thought you might like to know, Ken Starr is fucking Jodie
Foster.
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| One day there were these three boys walking down... |
Category: PoliticsRating: 1 0
One day there were these three boys walking down
the street, all of a sudden they heard a yell: 'HELP! HELP!'
When the boys got to the noise they saw Bill
Clinton in a lake drowning. The three boys saved
him from drowning. Bill Clinton asks the first
boy how he could ever repay him. The boy said,
'I want a boat.'
The second boy said 'I want a truck.'
And the third boy said, 'I want three tombstones with are
names all on them.' Bill Clinton said, 'why is that son?'
The little boy said, 'because when my Dad finds out that we
saved you, he is going to kill us all!'
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| The FBI finally came back with the DNA results... |
Category: PoliticsRating: 1 0
The FBI finally came back with the DNA results.
Clinton was a perfect match.
So was all of Arkansas.
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| A survey of American women... |
Category: PoliticsRating: 1 0
In a survey of American women, when asked, "Would you sleep
with President Clinton?" 86% replied, "Not again"
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| Book shelf |
Category: PoliticsRating: 0 0
Monica Lewinsky's tell-all book about her affair with the U.S. President
has, for one Winnipeg Chapters outlet, not sold all that well after its
first day on the shelves, as reported by CBC Radio News.
To draw attention to the book, or to perhaps add some perspective, the
Lewinksy book had three other titles surrounding it on its display:
"Divorce for Dummies"
"100 Ways to Leave Your Lover"
"How to Remove Stains"
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| Democrats on the front porch |
Category: PoliticsRating: 0 0
This little old lady calls 911. When the operator answers she yells,
"Help, send the police to my house right away! There's a damn Democrat
on my front porch and he's playing with himself."
"What?" the operator exclaimed. "I said there is a damn Democrat on my
front porch playing with himself and he's weird; I don't know him and
I'm afraid! Please send the police!" the little old lady repeated.
"Well, now, how do you know he's a Democrat?"
"Because, you damn fool, if it was a Republican, he'd be screwing
somebody!"
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| What is the difference between Bill Clinton, and the Titanic? |
Category: PoliticsRating: 0 0
What's the difference between Bill Clinton, and the Titanic ??
It is known how many went down on the Titanic.
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| News war |
Category: PoliticsRating: 0 0
Serbian official press agency claimed today that Serbian forces shot down
two F-117 Planes and four Ballistic "smart" missiles.
Pentagon denied the statement, saying that all of them had safely returned
to NATO's base.
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| Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped... |
Category: PoliticsRating: 0 0
Late one night, a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path
of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs. "Give me your
money", he demanded.
Indignant, the affluent man replied, "Hey, watch it - I'm a United
States Congressman!"
"In that case," replied the mugger, "give me MY money."
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| How many people work in the U.S. government? |
Category: PoliticsRating: 0 0
One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table
working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter
about government. The boy turns to his father and asks,
"Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?"
The father replies without hesitating, "Oh, about ten percent."
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| Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton... |
Category: PoliticsRating: 0 0
Jerry Falwell was seated next to President Clinton on a recent flight.
After the plane was airborne, the flight attendant came around for drink
orders.
The President asked for a whisky & soda, which was brought and placed
before him. The attendant then asked the minister if he would also like
drink.
The minister replied in disgust, "Ma'am, I'd rather be savagely raped by
a brazen whore than let liquor touch these lips!"
The President then handed his drink back to the attendant and said,
"I'm sorry, I didn't know there was a choice..."
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| In the land of Oz |
Category: PoliticsRating: 0 0
Former Vice President Quayle, Speaker of the House
Gingrich, and President Clinton are traveling in a
car together in Kansas. A tornado comes along and
whirls them up into the air and tosses them thousands
of yards away. They all fall into a daze.
When they come to and extract themselves from the
vehicle, they realize they're in the fabled Land of Oz.
They decide to go see the famous Wizard of Oz. The
Wizard is known for granting people their wishes.
Quayle says, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a brain."
Gingrich responds, "I'm going to ask the Wizard for a heart."
Clinton speaks up, "Where's Dorothy?"
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| What is green, has four legs and smells like woman? |
Category: PoliticsRating: 0 0
What is green, has four legs and smells like woman?
The white house's pool table
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| Only in America do we use the word 'politics'... |
Category: PoliticsRating: 0 0
Only in America... do we use the word 'politics' to describe
the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and
'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
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| Fidel dies and goes to heaven... |
Category: PoliticsRating: 0 0
Fidel dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him
that he is not on the list and that no way, no how, does he belong in
heaven. Fidel must go to hell. So Fidel goes to hell where Satan gives him
a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home.
Then Fidel notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who
says, "No hay problema, I'll send a couple of little devils to get your
stuff."
When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked -
St.Peter is having lunch - and they start debating what to do. Finally,
one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the
luggage.
As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel
says to the other, "My goodness! Fidel has been in hell no more than
ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!"
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| Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight... |
Category: PoliticsRating: 0 0
Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible fight. "I
am the most beautiful person in the world," proclaimed Sleeping Beauty.
"No, you're not," answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb.
"I am the smallest person in the world," shouted Tom Thumb.
"No, you're not," said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan.
"I've had more lovers than any person in the world," announced Don Juan.
"No, you haven't" replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty.
Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they needed a
mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the smartest person in the
world, would be ideal. Merlin agreed and summoned them all to his palace,
where he announced he would meet with them one at a time.
Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out beaming "I
am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin said so."
In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping Beauty: "I am
the smallest person in the world, Merlin agrees."
In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an hour, an hour and a
half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering, "Who the hell is
Bill Clinton?"
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| A worldwide survey has been carried out with... |
Category: PoliticsRating: 0 0
A worldwide survey has been carried out with the following question:
"PLEASE, GIVE US YOUR OPINION ON THE LACK OF FOOD IN THE REST OF THE
WORLD"
No result was achieved, since the following problems were faced
during the survey's implementation:
1. In Western Europe no one knew what is "lack"
2. In Africa no one knew what is "food"
3. In Eastern Europe no one knew what is "opinion"
4. In South America no one knew what is "please"
5. In the USA no one knew what is "rest of the world"
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